Who knew off-season workouts could be so gosh darn dangerous? Yesterday there was an incident at Westwood High (also referred to in some uneducated circles as UCLA) where the college football team was engaged in their usual post-season exercise regimen. Leading the drills and male therapy sessions was strength and conditioning coach Sal Alosi. Sal is so passionate about football he once was reprimanded for tripping a Miami Dolphins player along the sidelines while he worked for the New York Jets. Sal has no doubt brought his love for good sportsmanship and, "Pumping you up to the max, Bro" attitude to little Jimmy Mora's squad.
Who knows where the trouble started and why an entertainment mogul worth $735 million dollars would show up at a coach's office, take issue with how his son was being treated in a non-game month and commence assault via kettlebell?
But that's what happened. Sean Diddy P. Puffy Combs, best known for his role as Ruiz in Made, joined his son Justin (apologetically a redshirt junior defensive back on UCLA's team) in the modestly furnished office of Coach Alosi deep inside Club Acosta (or the Acosta Center). That's where Bruin men are shaped and molded into players who will even pretend to be handicapped so they don't have to look for parking like the rest of us.
You can guess what hilarity ensued as Coach Alosi tried to wrap up a phone call when Papa Combs busted in with the flavor of an unopened Ciroc bottle urging an impromptu meeting ensuring that Junior's feelings would stop being hurt during practice.
Tempers flared and a stray kettlebell was raised by Mr. Combs either in defense, offense or a weird toast to the Bruin's beating crosstown football rival USC for three years in a row. Coach Alosi had to call in reinforcements and both men said they would alert the police. Sure enough, LA's finest were dispatched and after the instant replay it was apparently P. Diddy who not only failed to gain the first down, but drew additional penalties of a single count of making a terrorist threat, a single count of battery and not one, but three counts of assault with a deadly weapon designed to build triceps and forearms.
Can you hardly wait to see what happens next? Or are you like me who just sort of wanted that pipe break to flood the whole campus and wash away the memories of a University on the Westside?