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Making Progress with Rick Neuheisel

It has become clear to all but the most sycophantic Dorrellistas that Neuheisal has already taken the bruins to new heights in his first year as head coach. Just refer to this table showing how the first year under his coachness compares to the last year under he-who-shall-not-be-named:



This Year Last Year


Total Offense 293.6 333.6


Total Defense 344.9 343.2


Turnover Margin -8 -4


Win-Loss 4 - 7 6 - 7

Ah, the numbers truly speak for themselves, but they do not tell the whole story. Neuheisal has brought an added dimension to the team by way of passion and enthusiasm. Would we have ever witnessed Karl Dorrell verbally berate a player on national television? Never, as he was far too much of a sniveling coward to stand up to kids just barely out high school. Neuheisal, or as I like to call him "Coach" Rick Neuheisal or CRN for short, shows true dedication and love for the team by yelling at QB Kevin Craft on the sidelines after major mistakes but then shows his true support and belief in him by sending him out to play again and again. Only those without a grasp of the the higher philosopho-logical hierarchies of football would ever be able to defend Dorrell's clearly inferior coaching style.

But enough with the present, now it is time to consider the blindingly bright future. Despite the fact that Dorrell brought in three classes ranked in the top 25 according to scout there is nowhere to go but up for the proud bruin program. With the coaching brain trust that CRN has put together the recruiting will practically take care of itself. What recruit wouldn't want to come play for the dream team of Neuheisal, QB guru Norm Chow, and defensive mastermind Dewayne Walker (the best DC in the Pac 10)? Forget Pete Carroll and his so called "track record of consistent success", soon every top flight prospect in Southern California will be beating down the doors on the admissions office to dawn the blue and gold.

Of course some myopic nitwits are already claiming that the coaching situation is untenable knowing that multiple coaches are still drawing pay from professional teams and the fact that both Chow and Walker are being considered for head coaching jobs elsewhere, but this is a minor quibble at best. Certainly the arguments and infighting that have been coming to surface are exaggerated, and besides, who would want to work for anyone else when they could work for Rick Neuheisal? Even though it was a rhetorical question, if you answered nobody then you are correct.

So everyone at USC better watch out. Year 1 of the master plan has already been executed to perfection and it is clear that the monopoly is over even before this years rivalry game has been played. Yes, as long as ucla continues on this path then they will reclaim their rightful spot on the top of the college football world before anyone knows what has happened.