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First day of practice: working draft

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As of 11 p.m. Eastern, there's no sign of any reports on the first day of practice for USC. Since I am not online under strictly kosher standards (those FIOS guys can't come to the new house soon enough) I will leave you all with SMQ's overview of the first day of USC's practice, which while not strictly factual is certainly compelling:

Players reporting to USC's camp are met by a "human tunnel" consisting of cheering, bikin-clad well-wishers, Song Girls, blinged-out rappers and reality show hangers-on, then treated to a demonstration of traditional Kumeyaay Indian theater, dance and folk tales by assistant coaches and discover not more than one ounce of premium northern lights in their lockers, accompanied by a gift certificate for 25 percent off hemp-based goods at the TransFair USA co-op booth of an upcoming eco-fashion festival and a pamphlet urging them to boycott Starbucks for the coffee giant's persistent use of milk from cows injected with genetically engineered recombinant bovine growth hormone, also known as rBGH or rBST. Rivals Top 100 cornerback/receiver Ronald Johnson describes the scene as "totally full of love" as he shares a side of locally-grown organic almond squash with Vidal Hazelton. "I'm already digging the team's sense of togetherness."

The clue that this is made up, of course, is the locally grown organic squash - the community farms aren't that close and are too new to be organic.