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Five Reasons Why USC Should Be "America's [College Football] Team"

  1. They represent the most prestigious U.S. city lacking a professional franchise, and fans will still metaphorically risk their lives supporting the Raiders over FUCLA.
  2. They certainly behave like an NFL team, from free agent acquisitions (Silas Redd, Delvon Simmons, plus rumors involving Everett Golson) to sanctioned Bush-league scandal.
  3. The Spirit of Troy is undeniably distinguishable: the emulated ancestry of Tommy Trojan; the cardinal n gold flowing through the school body's undying devotion; the actual band's IMDB merits; the fact that the SEC yearns to be someone else for a change, making SCAR a monkey's uncle.
  4. They're a star-studded talent hot tub both on and off the field, and soon the gridiron and sideline could each sport a Snoop Doggy Dogg.
  5. Whether we're competent or irrelevant in any given season, people still waste precious energy despising Arrogant Nation.
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