It's Stanford's day of football reckoning. They made their deal with the devil, and he delivered Luck and Harbaugh but now they're gone and the grim reaper is knocking at the door.

Today there will be no more clock operator scams, and no refs to protect them when time-out is called in the last seconds. What will they do? But of course! The Indians will simply go back to their default position, that being: "Football is just another sport and what really matters is winning Olympic glory and the Director's Cup!"

Just in case anyone has any doubts about Stanfurd's desperate search for attention and manliness, the Indians use their MASSIVE endowment to field 36 Varsity squads, everything from women's tiddly winks to men's booger picking. No matter, Robber Baron Leland's "Cardinal" (a pean to Harvard's Crimson) still don't measure up to the genuine item back in Cambridge. Harvard fields 41 Varsity teams and they hold a commanding lead in the sports that really matter to the blue blooded 0.1% set, i.e., crew, fencing, field hockey, sailing, squash, wrestling, oh dear. Muffy dahling, this Camembert is just mahvelous! For Ivy wannabe Stanfurd, slumming in the Pac-12 is life's greatest indignity.

How is it that USC, a so-called "local school" known for its connections to the so-gauche movie industry and sitting on a postage stamp size lot in South Central LA, with a measly $3 billion endowment, and a paltry 21 varsity teams has the BIGGEST athletic HUEVOS? Why it's enough to make a global financier choke on his Kistler chardonnay!

Well my tiny tree stumps, not only does USC bring the Extra Large Double A's, we serve them up with some rather impressive chorizo.

Total Olympic Medals: USC 262, Stanford 239.

Total Football National Championships: USC 11, Stanford 1.

My dear little Indians: Keep your shiny Director's Cup toy; you see,Trojans only compete in sports that matter to Red-Blooded Americans.