Nick Young's new teammate is awesome

That is the only way to describe this blog post from Gilbert Arenas, the Wizard's superstar.

There Are No Such Thing as Shark Attacks

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.
There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you're making a weird face as you're reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We're humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you're swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that's called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you're chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that's a shark attack. Now, if you're chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it's like, "There have been 10 shark attacks," I'm like, "Hey, for real?! They're just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don't live underwater."

I don't care who you are...that's so ridiculous its funny.

Arenas also has some good stuff to say about Nick Young:

Keep showing me something, Nick
Mitchell Layton/NBAE/Getty Images

0-10 Doesn't Cut It, Guys

I've been watching the summer league here and there. Dominic McGuire looks very good. Nick Young is coming around, he looks good too. That second game he really came into his own. I like Aaron Miles a little bit, he did a great job running the team. I like Chase, the back-up guard. You know, they just got to get some wins. The last two years, they're 0-10.

Of course I hooked Nick Young up with the Gil Zeros. I'm trying to make him an adidas guy. I called him right before he left for Las Vegas and told him to play like we used to play back in Cali. Then, when he was playing their second game out there I was watching it on TV and I saw the Wizards security guard, Jackie Miles, he was digging in his ear and I called him and I was like, "Yo, we can see you on TV digging in your ear." And Nick Young was sitting in front of him and I told Jackie, "Tell Nick that he needs to go ahead and show me something. I didn't see nothing last game, I need to see something this game." And that's when he got like three dunks in a row. I'm like, "Three dunks? OK, here we go!"

Also, he's trying to buy an island:

Back from Vacation

I'm really serious when I say this: I'm trying to buy an island.
Diana Ross has one. You know, if you look at property in the states, if you look at my house, I paid $2 million for it and then there's an island for $1 million. I'm like, "Woah, I have to buy an island."

I'm really looking into that.

Some of these quotes remind me of's articles about the Iron brothers from Auburn, especially Kenny who infamously said, when referencing his luggage:

"I got a midget in here to suck my dick.

Man, athletes are awesome.  Good luck to Nick, and his new amazingly entertaining teammate.

HT Deadspin, and Gilbert Arenas' blog

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Conquest Chronicles' writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Conquest Chronicles' writers or editors.

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